Monday, October 31, 2011

Meezer Monday: It's Nice to Share

I originally bought the vanilla malted bumper car bed, above left, for Bing, but the minute Derrick saw it he shoved his whitey mammoth a$$ into it for a perfect fit. Then I thought for sure Bing, an under-the-covers cuddler, would take to the Cat Snuggie, which is like a giant pita bread with French cuffs. But within seconds of its leopard-spotted arrival, there was Derrick all mother's milking it, howling and whining when anyone got near.

There's all kindsa nuttiness going on in the above scenario, but the big takeaway for me is that he's actually utilizing/enjoying both of these items. This is especially important to me lately as I recently threw away a bunch of stuff that, although costly, had been worn less than a handful of times. Or could no longer be worn. Like, for example, the giant fluffy white coat I got on ebay that only a yeti or, possibly, Patti LaBelle could pull off. I swear, once I threw that particular behemoth out, my closet sighed.

And if anyone's wondering about Bing, well, he didn't show interest in either of the beds, so it's not like Derrick's the bully at school stealing everyones Michael Jordans. At least I think it's not like that.

Is it me, or does she look totally psyched and may have even kicked his lazy a$$ to the curb?

That's the way it is, troolie-oolie-oolie is...

Because I save the best for last:

Thursday, October 20, 2011

High Apple Pie

OK, so I stole a kid's artwork. It's not what you think. Earlier this week, yes, I swiped this from the rec center in the gym where I take Pilates in the mornings. I love this room--one spring there was a bird family nesting in the skylight, and there are tons of inspirational signs all over the place... TEAM=Together Everyone Achieves More! And #1 on the list of How To Deal With a Bully, Use your indoor voice and stay calm.

So, this one was sort of shoved in the back of the sink, right in the exact spot where last semester languished another work of pee-wee art, a diagram of a worm that I coveted all summer long. Every time I saw it I thought, Oh no, I can't take some kid's art...until one day I found it had been thrown in the trash, and by then it was too late. Not this time, baby! Here's my loot in all its pink, popsicle-sticked glory.

Though I have to wonder--do you think he or she was finished? I mean, there's so much room, for success, for failure, endless possibilities after the second affirmation. What to fill that space with?

No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful./Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful??

Or how 'bout... All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece but not too much?

However you fill in your pink blank, I often think of something I recently read in (pretty sure it was) SELF magazine... they say that willpower is like a muscle--the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets...and if you're about to eat that ginormous piece of Death By Chocolate from Pinisi Bakery or tenderly light that cigarette and bring its cool, soft whiteness to your lips, you're supposed to contract your abs, which somehow is supposed to send some tough-guy message to your brain and heighten your resolve.

All good, but I take back the part about Death By Chocolate. Just freakin' eat it.

You can have a town, why don't you take it?

Fight it, baby! Red! And! White! Pinstripes! And! A! Red! Tie!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Wordless Wednesday: AbracadABBA

I'd be lion if I said I didn't like this photo, or that I'm actually considering making my own cat costume like the ones that Agnetha and Frida are wearing.

Honestly, I just wanted a sparkly visual segue to my new favorite animal video. If it's good enough for Bo Obama's blog, it's good enough for ssspunerisms!

Addendum: ARGGHHH! At least one-half of my loyal readers (that would be Kathy, Elyse, Brenna and Michael!) have already seen the video I mean. It's not available right now, but here's one about the making of it:

Monday, October 10, 2011

Meezer Monday: A Bushel and a Pec

What do y'all think of Anderson Cooper? I actually stopped watching him after his coverage of the earthquake in Haiti, not because I don't think he's good, but for fear I might see his biceps again. Do you remember them? It was if I couldn't look away, like Cindy Brady staring at the red light in the studio on the quiz show. I couldn't understand why the camera would linger on his arms like that all Entertainment Tonight-y, when people were dead and dying and everyone in need of help, but all you see is the arms, making me think of turkey drumsticks, which I don't eat, or even a giant surgically enhanced breast. It's not like it was his fault or anything, but it was like we shouldn't be focusing on the results of multiple strength-training work-outs when the world's heart was breaking for the lives affected by this disaster.

As it turns out, other folks found the arms, uh, remarkable, too. Maybe not in the exact same way, but check out this article in the fashion section of The New York Times.

Anyway, so today, when I randomly came across the above photo, I had to figure out what was up. I found out that Anderson Cooper is Gloria Vanderbilt's son, and that he has a photo album on his website devoted to pets named after him. And that this photo went viral and he thought it was funny, and dang if they don't have the same nose.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Wordless Wednesday: Follow Your Knows

From a purely practical/pragmatic/no-nonsense-panthyhose kinda standpoint, faith/belief is such a timesaver because you don't have to worry 'bout a thing--no matter what happens, Jesus/you/Superman/your designated personal savior has your back. Like the universe will tell you the answer to everything you're looking for, albeit on a sort of island time schedule…

Like last Saturday, I was watching a rerun of The Monkees TV Show while getting my nails painted silver at the cheapie salon on First Avenue…the opening credits roll, Mickey…. Davy… Mike… Peter… Hmm…why can't I remember Peter's last name? Kinda like Tosh, but not… It was completely out of my mind, buy I refused to Google it. I'll do it like the old days, where 18 hours later the search engine in your head finally kicks in and it's like cherry/cherry/cherry in the slot machine, and out pops your answer…

Anyway, the next morning I was at the Y, and wow…there's my answer on the paper towel/toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom, just like the one above. I thought I'd take a photo, but I didn't have my camera. Then I forgot again when I want back on Monday… but there it was on Tuesday, in the bathroom at the Clara Barton rest stop on the Jersey Turnpike.

Tork, people. It's Tork.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Meezer Monday: He Ain't Heavy?

Um, yes, he *totally* is, so much so that he can no longer fit in his bumper car with the custom-built chassis. (I don't speak car generally--is that correct usage?) Bingie can hardly move, pinned underneath that honky cat turkey leg.

See the comments..smoova?!

Hot and sweet? Don't read the comments on this next one... (P.S. Yes, I hear what you're thinking, but the Hollies aren't brothers...)

Am I the only one obsessed with The Temptations movie that's like 10 years long? They like to play it at 3 AM, after The Jacksons: An American Dream.