LessWords Wednesday: Holy Rollers

It's true what they say, that New York City pulls 180s like a crazy mofo--one block can be completely different from the one next to it, and that one's completely different from the next one over. Like, after the snowfall last Saturday night, all the cars on my street were captioned with what you see here (that's a little heart symbol, if it's not really clear in the pic). Over on 21st Street, however, the back windows of 13--count 'em, 13--cars were decorated with cartoon-like depictions of a flaccid phallus.*

* Not sure, but I think that may be like saying someone has stick-straight curly hair.

I am lately obsessed with this next song. If you do click and play, I strongly recommend ignoring the images completely--the only other versions I could find on YouTube were either covers made in people's basements or distorted with 25 seconds of crazy hymn-ish music at the beginning to fool the copyright bots. This one has lots of Hallmark-white Jesuses and Marys instead, but hey, a beggar can't be a chooser. But perhaps a beggar should make her own YouTube videos.

LessWords Wednesday: Just Dessert

Yet another reason why a cat should be President (tho our current one aint too shabby), or at least a top advisor: See those peas and carrots? Lorenzo leaves 'em every time. Saving the best for last, or thinking you have to pay your dues before you get some perks, is a concept that would never cross the feline mind. When you go straight for the gravy in Grandma's Chicken Soup, there's no time for convoluted thinking like, "Hmmmm…Since Nabokov is the most incredible writer ever, I better stop reading his books because eventually I'll have read them all and then there will be nothing to look forward to."


No, Lorenzo wouldn't think that. Because when you leave the peas and read every word Nabokov ever wrote, your life becomes just dessert. Yum.

Two MTV gems I missed while busy listening to "Seen Your Video" instead:

Wordless Wednesday: No Bones About It

Given his fear of loud and annoying objects like the vaccuum cleaner, you'd think that Lorenzo would be more frightened of this doofy voice-activated skull that burps and says “Excuse me.” Perhaps he just appreciates good manners.

Wordless Wednesday: The One That Hopped Away

I was in Yellow Springs, Ohio, eating lunch when the Chocolate Toad strode by. I had this feeling he was used to being photographed, and I wanted in on the action. My friend Lorie handed me her fancy camera and I knelt, clueless as to how to use it, and somehow accidentally snapped this pic of the toad mid-hop. I had no idea there was a big busy foot to my left until I saw this photo. That's a mini-miracle in itself. But I immediately thought,  Dang! if only it'd come out better. Better composition, and in focus, and with the toad looking more toadlike.

That's like finding a winning lottery ticket for, like, $500, and wishing it was the jackpot. How big does a freakin' miracle have to be these days?! Geesh.

Wordless Wednesday: Extra Texture

If you ask me to catsit, I'm totally going to look in your refrigerator. Not to eat anything necessarily, but to procure intel about you that I couldn't get anywhere else. Unless, of course, the vinyl in the other room calls me like a siren song, choruses circling like a sleepy, shiny vulture. You get that itch in your fingers that only flipping through the stacks can cure.

So, yeah, this photo shows where my fingers first landed.  I've told you my theory of Pines, right? A Pine is a visual or aural pacifier, something that's instantly, inexplicably calming. This photo represents a double shot--a visual Pine and a tactile Pine in one. I love the ragged-rainbow patterns that the jackets make, carving out the path that took me to perfect---a completely black room with a tiny window through which light shines. In my sonic journey I've never, ever listened to Mr. Monk, but clearly it's time.

The following song is the ultimate aural Pine for me. I don't know why, but the banging keyboard parts are just sobbingly beautiful. I never thought about it much, but maybe the answer is in this comment left by this annoying show-off on YouTube: "I love the contrast between the A-flat Major and the F-flat(E) Major 7th (equal to an A-flat MINOR triad over an F-flat bass). Then, going from the Fbmaj7 to B-flat Minor 7th is a very daring move, the farthest chord away!" 

I have to admit, the chorus on this next one is totally Pineworthy. I'm sure the annoying Smile show-off could explain why, but Def Leppard is probably too plebeian for him. (And Hello! Who knew it was about Marilyn Monroe?)

Wordless Wednesday: Better Red

"While stars sit in bars and decide what they're drinking…"

For some reason, I like to interpret that lyric literally. Like…stars, as in the massive-sphere-of-plasma kind. They don't sit on bar stools, silly, but sparkle outside all firefly-style, projected on a big screen like at a drive-in, tinkling and twinkling.

Their drink? Cosmos.

Wordless Wednesday: You're Still In the Pink

What happens to a Hoppity Hop deferred?

I didn't want dolls, I didn't want an easy bake oven, I didn't want a Big Wheel, I wanted a freakin' Hoppity Hop like the one the girl down the street had, and I never got one. If they sold them now, crazy bleach-blonde size, I'd be outside in the street bouncing on it.





"To the virgins, to make much of time," Glimmer Twins style: Put your hand on the heat…

Wordless Wednesday: It's Not You

The other day I found myself in one of those trigger finger-powered Facebook fogs, rifling through the photo albums on the page of a very casual acquaintance; I knew her awhile back on a fairly superficial level. (What?! You've never done that? Then you may be one of these!)

Anyway, I was amazed and intrigued at the quantity of photos she'd posted of herself, and the various reactions of her friends. It just makes you wonder, you know? That evening I had nightmares, an endless loop of photos of her, each the same but, no, a bit different--her head at a slightly altered angle, closer up, further away, taken in the sick bright sun that bounces off hot pavement, snapped in dressing-room light that amplifies your im/perfections, candy-colored positives & negatives, all screaming/creaming/dreaming, "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!"

If Narcissus were on Facebook:
Smiling this way, glancing that;
mobile uploading has made you tired!
Hit Sleep and dream
of your Wall photos.
"Like" "Like" "Like"

Wordless Wednesday: Hang On To Your Ego

Warning: I've got my cranky pants on today, so my first thought when I saw this was: Oh great, sign her up for American Idol because lawd knows the world needs more oversoulers. My second thought: How freakin' sweet is this.

Wordless Wednesday: You Spin Me Round

Oh, this image makes me ache in the same way that the ones in this post do. It's not the Dakota thing (there are other words and wordlessness for that), but that he's listening to 45s. As in, not 33s. And as in, just like you might have done.

Each perfect, contained, knowable. Yet infinite with a spin on it. (The exception:  My 45 collection, which includes such stunners as "Convoy" and "The Little Space Girl." Tho' the latter may be the B side.)

Wordless Wednesday: Perchance to Dream

Lately I've caught Derrick and Lorenzo dreaming, and their styles are so different it really got me thinking. There's Derrick, big on the whisker- and toe-wiggling, as he no doubt races to doors that open to the most wondrous places (hallways! elevators! big skies with flies!). And Lorenzo, vigilant ears a staccato yes-or-no, alert even in sleep to the possibility of a can being opened somewhere. Definitely in contrast to little Binglet, whose ears would flutter hummingbirdedly, like he was tuned in to the most harmonious of frequencies and wanted to hear it all at once.

Wordless Wednesday: Between A Rock and a Heart Place

I found love on a two-way street...ok, it was just 91st and 3rd. 


C'mon, you know you wanna hit play! Interesting trivia fact: This song was inspired by Dr. Zhivago:




Sugar headache? An antidote, found festering where the sidewalk ends:

Wordless Wednesday: High on His Own Supply

Lorenzo as Tony Montana in the kitty version of the famous coke scene in Scarface.

Wordless Wednesday: Half the Man He Used To Be

Ruddy, muddy figurehead, you don't even know how stylin' you are in your "Caution: Wet Floor" cravat, so busy sailing that stormy cement sea.

Wordless Wednesday: Nel Blu Dipinto di Blu

Oh, Lorenzo. A cat by any other name wouldn't make me think of every 70s-80s sitcom hero to ever wear a wife beater and eat linguine. (70s and 80s only, please. Those tools from The Jersey Shore have nothing on the Big Ragu.)

Wordless Wednesday: Pas de Chat

Can you see sea/water/whisker? Paw pads string a silent constellation in the sand, far-apart stars when she leaps.

P.S. I stumbled on this beautiful image during a search, and was intrigued by how it was tagged: beach, cat, cool, dancing, monroe. Perhaps I will start a small anti-SEO/pro-art revolution, where the tags on a photo are written as a tiny string-poem. Eff how many people ever see it. I think I'll be the only one revoluting. (Yes, I made that up.)

Wordless Wednesday: Take It All Off!

A velvet waistcoat for a mouse? Furry wings for a flying house? Bud-brown gown too small (and oh so out of style) for spring flower…

I found these under the blooming trees all along the sidewalk today. Nobody wants to wear a winter coat anymore!

Wordless Wednesday: Give Me a Sign

That's cool. And after I saw this, I went home and had me a chocolate-chip pancake.



Cause lotsa times there is no sign, and nothin' has to do with nothin'…




A few additional opinions related to this topic shared with me by a cab driver recently:
- "Stay young (look 30 when you're 62!) by reading the Bible and drinking orange juice."
- "It's OK to like rats and cows, but don't worship these false idols."
- "Have a great day. The Lord is coming soon!"

I hope this doesn't sound mean or judgmental--it sure makes for a good story tho. I really liked him! We just have different views on some things. Like, for one, orange juice is mucus-making.

Wordless Wednesday: Mother Cluckers

Ahhh!!! So much better than the large, sad photo of "heritage chicken" on the Fresh Direct truck I saw this morning. "Think of it as the analog to the heirloom tomato," goes the description on their website. OK, maybe when a tomato can look this good in a nautical-themed sweater.

As seen on the Facebook page of Knit and Crochet Now!

If you haven't got a soul...



I had to mute my sound 'cause I'm posting this in a public place, so let's hope the audio's good here…

Wordless Wednesday: Sweater Weather

Seeing Bing in his new sweater, all chocolate and sweet and snazzy and oh so smoothadelic, made me think he should be listening to this next song. But wowie, I'd never heard THIS version:



Bonus: One inspired listener left the following comment after watching Al: "OH MY GIDDY GOD!!! TESTIFY ABOUT LOVE REV!!! I HAVE TEMPORARY LEFT SIDE PARALYSIS AND THIS GOT ME UP AND SHAKING MY BUTT!!!!
WHAT A PERFORMANCE!! WHAT A UPLOAD!!!
HUNGRY FOR MORE NOW!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"